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Thats the kind of mood I am in right now after being woken up by my stupid computer aftering falling asleep just about an hour ago.. since i couldn't sleep and all.... oh well mind you I tried go to bed at 12:30 and couldn't sleep say came back on till like 1:30 and tried to fall asleep and did and then computer restarts itself to update a program or something... Well now I can't sleep again and now I don't feel well!! argh!!!

Anyway things have been a little rocky this past week... I am doing good now just tired and not really feeling well! But not complaining... Im gonna try and go back to sleep... will update more later! love to all!

searching

Today has been a pretty good day! Just hanging out as I usually do now on my Sundays since I have off. I go to church usually Calvary Fellowship at 11:30 and then maybe hang out with a friend or not... just have some quiet time and just relax. It feels good to be able to not do too much every Sunday. I was looking/reading the blogs from the missions trip to Kenya with Word FM, and it really is tugging at my heart again that I need to go out and do something. It might just be in the West Chester area but I just feel led to help others mainly kids but anyone! It brought tears to my eyes to read about the children of Africa! I feel that all that has happened to me this past year and half has happened because God made it happen. To break me down and re-grow me and stretch me and change me! Well, I am definitley changing! And now I want to help others change and to be a light to the lost. I want to just do things for others and not expect anything in return not that I ever expect things from my friends. I freely give! That is how God made me!!! Love you all!!!

GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!

Hey all!!! Well how about that?! Two posts in one night!! Well I am doing pretty darn patutin good right now!!! I am feeling better about the whole guy thing! I am talking on AIM with a friend and a guy... And I was just saying how this whole thing was a blessing in disguise to get me back on track type of thing! Kind of like a kick in the butt! This whole thing has brought me closer to friends and helping me to be in the word! I am trying to think better... and not "bash" myself or so stupid non-sense!!! Which can be hard but I can do it with the help of my friends!! So if you are with me or see me and I am saying stuff that is degrading be like Jen what are ya saying??? Keep me accountable for that and correct for me!!! I am really starting change and it is amazing and I feel good!! I am happy actually!!! I am realizing I don't need a guy in my life and God may not want me to be married who knows.... that is a long time from now! I am not thinking about that now! I want to live for God and only him!!!!! GOD IS SOOOO GOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless you all! Love you!

So yeah I had dinner with a guy friend of mine and we were waiting to be seated and all... and there was a rainbow! I haven't seen a rainbow in so long!! Well that was kind of a ramble! Have a good night! God loves ya and so do I!!

updates

Recently that is all I have been posting about.... well... Im sorry for not really blogging all that much. I get busy and tired and at times I just don't feel like typing.... So yeah! Things are getting better, but I am still struggling so if you could continue to pray that would be really awesome! I love you all!! I don't know if I have mention that to you guys lately! I appreciate our friendship!! Things have been busy and stressful! The guy situation is over and I do not talk to that guy anymore. He was not definitley not the right guy for me! He made me do things I didn't really want to do..... it was kinda like "peer pressure" in a way... he kinda talked me into it..... but yeah thats over and as I had said I felt stupid and cheated! I didn't feel like I deserved to be anything or do anything. I am starting not think like that anymore.... I just felt really bad and I felt like hiding in a way.... like I was robbed of all my joy and love... like when you are raped. Kind of like that. I am doing better but I am not completely healed of the feelings. I have learned a lot and am trying to just talk about it and not keep everything bottled up inside... What is that going to do?? it will make things worse not better..... Well, I will blog soon again! Love you all!! Thanks for being my friends! And thanks for helping me along the way in the different ways that you help!

updates................

Hey friends! Sorry I haven't really talkative on here and on phone if you have called me or I call you. As you know if you read my latests blogs, I have been going through some crap. Things are getting better. Some of you read the blog where I said I guy like me from aol im... well thats over and I really don't care anymore about him.He just like made me do things I wouldn't normally do and he hurt me like emotionally. I do not need that. I deserve better. All i can say is this has been good b/c I have be praying and reading the bible more. I have gotten closer to God through this. Please be praying for me! Love you all! It has definitley been a learning experience for me.....

need prayers!!!

I don't want to go into but I just need prayers for strength and courage and for healing....... I think I went to far and did something stupid...... thats all im gonna say!

sorry......

After re-reading my post from last night.. i feel like I need to apologize! I was just really tired and upset and all. I am doing better. i have been able to talk with some of my friends and all which have been nice. About the comment I said about my friend talk to me about guys and stuff... well it doesn't really bother me in a way b/c I don't know. yeah I have never been in a relationship with any guys that doesn't mean I don't know anything ya know? So yeah that was kinda stupid of me. Just so you guys all know................................................ are ya ready for this?! there's a guy that i have been talking to online for a couple of days now and he likes me... so who knows! I'll be posting updates more on this later! Right now I gotta get ready for work! Love you all!!

ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

That is my mood right now! I am so frazzeled and going into pieces at the moment! Things are getting to me.... like friends problems and whatnot.... emotional stuff and feelings. I am going through a lot at the moment. And I kinda don't know how to talk about it and don't know if I want to... I have talked to some people. But I am really stressed not by work though.... and I feel depressed... like I want to talk to certain people and then I kind of feel "blown" off in a way. I know thats not really what it is... thats how it feels to me though. Like last night after the Bridge and all I just felt alone and stuff. I usually stay and talk with people till around 10:30 but not last night. I left at like 10 and want to Appetites with a girl I went to high school with and we ended up sitting with these three guys.... Sometimes I just feel like I need to be alone and all. That was last night, but I couldn't be alone.... I couldn't sleep last night. I had a pain in my stomach and couldn't get comfortable and just had twenty millions things running through my head at once. Then my friend from Bridge was like I wanted to call ya last night but thought it was too late and all.... and ya know I don't care if she did or didn't but I mean she just wanted to talk about guy stuff/problems and what not... well ya know what? I don't give a crap and I really am the wrong person to talk to about that..... but I like that she trusts me about that. And I don't know maybe I am the only one who will really listen to her rant about it... so whatever... i'll keep my mouth shut. Please be praying for me. I want to be healed from my pain and all that is carrying me down!

updates on life

Hey friends! Things have been really busy and that is why I haven't updated recently. Sorry about that! Or when I had the time to I was dead tired! Thank you for praying for me. I feel God is healing me gradually! If you want to know more just send me an email or something. Please continue to pray please. I am doing well. Just been really busy. I have been working a lot but shorter hours since they have been cutting the hours :( I need the hours... I am meeting a lot of great people at the Bridge and at CrossRoads. I am hanging out with more Christians which is also helping me to be stretched and get out of my comfort zone. So God is growing me and God is good!!!! That is all for now! Will update more later! Love you all!

much needed prayers

Hey my lovely beautiful friends! Things have really been busy and stressful at times. I am getting tired of some of the things going on.... but ya thats another issue..... I really need you guys to be praying for me... i feel very "weak" not physically but spiritually... like kind of a Sunday christian. I am not saying that I don't do stuff with the church through the week its just I don't feel really connected and then with work it gets me down and I get really upset and angry like I was at Boscov's. And I feel at times depressed. These are some of the emotions I have had bottled up and its not healthy and I know this but it is sooo hard to talk to people about this. That is why I have been not writing too much lately. I hate my life at the moment. I get yelled at by my step dad about the stupidest stuff about like the future and my health. I know I need to do something about it all but I don't know what to do or how to do it....Im really tired of the BS I get from my step dad at different times. I know it is his way of caring about me but it doesn't really work... Tomorrow I have to go to court for the girl who stole from our lockers at work. And I kind of nervous because of what happened to me and if it is mentioned. Please pray!I am really tired of being treated like a child in some ways. Like for instance my mom asked me tonight if she should come with me to the court thing.... I was like no that would be stupid and all. I need to start doing somethings on my own to help me be more independent. Well... for now thats all! I love ya! Take care!

Jen's ramblings!

Hey there my friends!!! I am back.... not really gone away but I am blogging again!! yayayay! hehe! Sorry for how long it took me to blog again. Things were busy and I just plain a simple was not in the mood to blog. I am doing better than the last time I blogged but I am still not 100% me. Things are just getting to me and thats all I will say for now. I have had really busy weeks with work and weekends my gosh!!! I babysat this past Saturday night. I was only suppose to babysit till 12ish well the parents didn't come home till 1:15(the dad anyway). And then I woke up Sunday at 8:15 and went to church and sang with my churches youth choir. I am friends and I work with the director so she would be angry if I didn't come and plus her youngest son had his 1st Communion. So I kind of had to go. I have babysat for her so I kind of felt that I needed/should go... It was cool though! And we sang pretty well. And our harmonys were pretty good too. Then this week I am working 6 days straight!!! I think they are trying to kill me. But its not that bad b/c the hours are spaced out.... which is good..... Can you guys do me a favor(John Reilly Band too)! Please vote for them so they can play at Creation this summer! Here's the link! http://www.hearitfirst.com/genres/indiescovery.aspx Thanks guys! Love ya all!!!

lalalala

Hey all!! Sorry I haven't blogged in a little while. Things have been on my mind and on my heart. I have been struggling and I need some prayer. So if you could pray for me that would be great! Please just ask me what is up and all. I don't feel like typing a lot on here. I love you all!!! Sorry Becca for not updating for a while.... Talk to ya all later!

A really great poem!

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."I'm whispering "I was lost,"Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I still feel the sting of pain,I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow.~Maya Angelou~

Wonderful weekend!!!!

Despite my last blog, I did have a really good weekend!!! I worked Friday night till 9:30 and then came I did something but I can't remember what I did.... I think I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then on Saturday I had helped at the Lionville YMCA with the Healthy Kids Day. That was fun! I went with some people from Kohls. One guy handed out game prizes and I started out doing the snacks(pretzles, apples, juice and grapes) and then I was helping with the crafts. We made picture frames. It was really fun! And then at 2 I had lunch with a friend I work with and then I had to work 6:45 till 11:30. That kind of sucked but it wasn't too bad. It was pretty quite as it got later obviously. Then on Sunday, Palm Sunday, I went to my church (Sts. Peter and Paul) and sang with the youth choir. I am friends with the director and shed kill me if I didnt stay in the choir. She does not care how old I am. And then I had do something with a couple of friends and then Laura and I went Valley Forge park and walked around for a little and I got to see Laura's house. Which is very cute! And then I went to the Bridge and it was AMAZING!!!! I went out to eat with Sophie. Even though it rained on Saturday it was still a pretty weekend, especially yesterday!!! There was not even a cloud in the sky! Well I love ya all!!! It is two(2) blogs for me in one day! How about them apples!?

ramblings

Hey my friends! I am so frustrated with work right now that a couple times today while I was at work I felt like I was going to walk out. I felt like I could just cry because I was/am pissed and really fed up with the crap!! They don't know how to do schedules. This week is going to be horrible to start with because there is no school!!!! What does that mean?! Taking your kids shopping!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Well it sucks! I love kids to death but some of these kids are really bad and horrible. Like this one girl who hit her mom right in front of me and a little girl. I was like are you freakin kidding me!!! That was last week though but still!!! It makes you wonder....... Just please keep me in your prayers. I really need to think and pray what it is that God wants me to do in life. And I need to find a new job that hopefully pays better!

This is for Becca!

I kept my word and I am updating my blog!!! I have been busy with work. The past three days I have been working 12-8(mon) 12-7:30(tue) and 12-6 (wed) And it has basically all been on register which gets tiring b/c I have to just stand there and I can't just go to the bathroom when I need to or take my break when I want. It stinks.. but what can I do? I have to do what my schedule says. And my foot has been hurting b/c I don't have a toe nail on my left pinky toe. It is growing back now but it hurts when it is rubbed by my sock and all. I am listening to the news and the weather just came on and it said we might have more odd weather! yuck!!! It seems like everyone is dying around the same time. I just found out a family friend just died from lung cancer. We weren't sure how long she would live. We knew she wasn't doing well. She was a heavy smoker and then she quit and then got lung cancer and it had already spread through her body. It has been a hard two months. Just the other night(i think it was Monday) I had a dream that my uncle said mass again at our church or a church. So it was weird b/c I know he's dead but it felt so real. And I think it is because I never got to go to the hospital before he died. So it is harder on me. Most of my family got to see him. My mom told me that he had asked about me and how I was doing. So that was cool. I am so sad and mad at myself that I didn't go see him. But we didn't know he was going to die. Why did this have to happen??? to such a faithul and God fearing man. Give me a call if you want to do something this weekend I have the house to myself starting Saturday sometime till Thursday. Have great rest of the week! Love ya all!!

ramblings

Hey all! Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Been busy and needed sometime just to realx and be with family after the death of my uncle. It has been hard but its always hard when someone you love dies! Things are going ok... Life is life ya know? Kohls is going ok. I haven't been scheduled that much recently. They are giving the hours to the new people that they hire who by the way QUIT after like a week or some the day after they start!!!!! So all the people who have worked their for years or about a year or so have like a lot less hours then what they had had. It sucks but what are ya going to do!? It has been a little hard because people have asked if they could stay longer than their shift and the managers say no. even though most of the time their is hours but they just don't say anything. Like in kids for instance, the supervisor is the only one in the dept. most of the time and they say oh we don't have any hours in there... ya right!!!! And there is a bunch of gaps when people come in. Like on Friday I came in at 4(which I was not scheduled) and my supervisor was leaving at 2. I was actually taking her place b/c she was suppose to work 2-10:30 because she got invited to something and she asked me if I was able to work. well thats all I have for today! I hope you all have a fantastic week! Hope to see some of ya soon!

Please be thinking about my family!

My lovely friends, as I have posted earlier my uncle passed away this on Monday. He was a priest and he was loved by some many people. I ask you to pray for my family and friends tomorrow. We are having the burial and mass. We had a prayer service and it was hard! A lot of priests and people he preached too were there. It was hard. And tomorrow it will be even harder. Please be thinking about my family! Thanks! Right now I have to go to bed b/c I can barely see b/c of crying so much... my eyes are stinging like mad!!!!

Sad day with sad news!!!!

Thanks for praying for my uncle. He couldn't fight the infection that he had in his liver, which unfortunetly killed him. He passed away at around 4:30 or so. This will be a hard week for us. Please keep our family in your prayers. It would be muchly appreciated! Thanks! I love ya all!!!

Prayer request/update on my uncle!

Hey folks! My uncle(who is a priest), Fr. Bill, has been in the hospital this past week and a half or so. He has major liver damage and is going to be getting a liver transplant. Fr. Bill was put on the transplant list at around 11 am this morning. He gets a call saying that there is a liver that he might be able to have. He has a rare blood type so he could get a liver at any time! While my step-dad was at the hospital tonight, he got a call saying that a liver was available and he might be getting it depends if the person before him is a match with the liver. We will find out at around mid-night tonight. Please keep my family in your prayers! Especially Fr. Bill and the doctors and nurses and my parents and his brother Kevin, Chuck(who lives in Arizona) and his sister who will be coming from NJ and stay with us if he does have the surgery! I will post updates as I get them! Love ya! Thanks!