Friends please pray for me....

Hi my friends.... I am going through a hard time... I am being stupid and doing stupid things...It is an easier way to "cope" with things, but I don't like to do this either.... i really don't know what and why I do this... I don't really want to say what it is that is going on... Please just pray... Please keep praying that I get a full time job as well!! I am in the process of filling out an application. It is another nursing home/assisted living center. I am not really sure what the position would entail... when I find out more info I will post it... btw. I am really sorry I haven't posted in a long time... have been busy and haven't had time to blog... i still read your blogs just about everyday though!! this is going to be a short post b/c I can't think of anything to blog about right now... love ya!!

GOOOOOOO PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanging in there...

I am just hanging in there... some days are a lot better than others as usual.. The beginning of this week wasn't that great... Then Thursday and Friday were pretty good. Thursday I think was better than Friday!

I don't know if any of you have heard of Greg Laurie?? He is an evangalist from CA and he does crusades around the US. Well he is coming Oct. 3-5 in Philadelphia for a crusade and my church is one of the host churches. For the next 2 Thursday's (and then one that just passed) we are having Impact classes where we will be trained to be counselors for the event!!! We got an Impact booklet thing and in it was the blue sheet of paper that had memory verses on it. One of the verses was Psalm 139 (which I really like) and I had read it somewhere earlier and then I read it somewhere else later and so I was like God what are ya telling me?! Oh and here is another thing!! I was journaling at 12:30 this morning and which verse do you think was written on the side?!?! Yeah, you got Psalm 139!!! So I am going to try and memorize that!!! Probably not some of it but most of it!!

So yeah, I have had a pretty good past couple of days... with a little struggles here and there... Oh and I am trying to not think so negatively about myself... so pretty much I am trying to love myself the way others love me especially God! So if you could please pray for me about that!! God is definitely working in me this year... some really hard things and some that just have to be taken care of....

If you think of it can you also please pray for me... I have a job interview for a FT position on Thursday around 3ish.... It is for a daycare and I am kind of excited and nervous... My friend works there and I had filled out the application liek 2-3 weeks ago and I hadn't heard anything about it. Then this past Tuesday my friend had told me that they got my application and she talked to her boss and told her about me and so she looked at my info and called me!!! So I have an appt this Thursday!!!

Well, I can't think of anything else right now!! Hope everyone is doing well!!! Have a great weekend!! Love ya all!!!

blah...

That is my mood..... I am obviously not doing the best.... thats ok... I am just trying to get through everything... So if you could and wouldn't mind praying for me I would appreciate that!! Work has been sooo boring lately.... I have been just sitting around and not really doing that much...I have been really tired lately... I am planning on just hanging out and not doing much on Saturday!!! I am going to sleep in and do laundry... just hang around the house... ahhh can't wait!!!! I am really looking forward to this.... I haven't been able to just really hang out in probably 2 weeks... so yeah it will be nice and much needed!!

**i had to stop writing for awhile since I was at work and all! Didn't have time to come back to it until 11:45pm. Anyway, tonight has not been a good night.... I had to work 12 hours today... too long and I had like no energy to work tonight... very unusual for me!! I usually have a lot of "pent up" energy... I don't know why I didn't have any... I wasn't really feeling that well tonight... Obviously that doesn't help much... My past week has been kind of insanely crazy... especially Monday.... I took off from work to clean a house that I am house sitting and cat sitting in.... I cleaned until 11:30 pm... and then woke up Tuesday and did a few things before going to work (9-2:30)and then worked 3-6 and then had bible study at 6pm-9:30 and I was EXHAUSTED!!! I could hardly keep my eyes open while we watched a movie and then driving home was a pain... got stuck in traffic not even 2 minutes down the road from where I am staying!! They were doing road work... (repaving) oh and did I mention this happened TWICE to me?!?!!? On Wednesday night as well!!!!! I was not very happy!!! They are done doing that road now one of the major roads is blocked off tonight till maybe this whole weekend I don't really know, is shut down to do road work and that road has had one lane for probably 2 weeks if not more!! argh!! they always have to do many roads at the same time... argh!!!

Back to the end of the week though.... Tonight was not a great night... I kept feeling dizzy a little bit here and there... and I was drained and am really tired... which speaking of that I probably should go to bed soon ;) considering it is almost midnight!!! shesh!!! please pray for peace of mind and that I can learn how to love myself as God loves me and my friends... ANd that I give myself more time for me... instead of going and going and going until I burn out... Pray that I don't/wouldn't do anything stupid to myself... and pray I won't/don't isolate myself... I have a tendency to do this! Well, Ok I need to get to bed... I am really tired!! Good night.... happy August 2nd!!!! Have a great weekend!!

not a lot is new...

Not too much is new... still feeling the same way... a little less than usual... so that is good I guess. all that I can do is just keep going... even though all that I want to do is call it quits at times... I do not think that I would be able to do that!

I had the WEIRDEST phone call ever this week at work!!!!!! So I picked up the phone and the guy on the other end was like "Is Gumby there?" And I was like um.. excuse me? And then the guy just hangs up... I was like um ok... It was funny though and I just had to laugh about!!!

Back to regular things... I am just hanging in their... and just trying to keep on going on... Even though it can be hard... I am trying to surround myself with friends and all... and keep my mind busy from thinking negatively except my counselor is having me journal the accusations which make me have to think of them and then write them down... so yeah... which might not be such a bad thing... who knows.. I had to stop writing them last night b/c I was to much about them and my mind was wrapped up in it. So if you could pray for me that I don't dwell on them and that I am able to just give it to God and not keep dwelling in them! That would be great.. thanks :) Although I am still in this really rough time in my life, I think I can kind of see a little bit of the "light" through the tunnel so to speak... it is very dim.... But that is a good sign... I am realizing that I really am not alone and there are many people going through things that I am going through or have gone through it and they are healed from it... I feel that God wanted me to go through this struggle to help others once I am healed... Actually I can still help them now... with a smile or hug or just being there for them... sometimes that is just what they need and not to really have to talk about their struggles...

I have this verse that is on a sticky note right on my computer at work and I really like it and I am going to share it "Count it all joy, my brothers (and sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, for the testing of your faith develops perserverance." James 1:2-3. This actually kind of ties into what I was just writing about... in a way it does but not directly... And I have a quote from Sheila Walsh.. I think from a book but not sure!! It says "The quieter the secret, the stronger the hold it has on us." How very true!! It is sad but true..

I am obviously doing ok at the moment or I don't think I could even being writing a lot about everything... Well, I hope you have a great weekend!!! I shall try to update more frequently... Love to all my beautiful friends!!!

not doing so well today...

Please pray for me. I am not doing well today! I have been so distracted today. And I don't feel like doing that much or anything... I am really tired also.... I got 7.5if not a little more hours of sleep last night. And I am really tired still... Oh well.. Somethings never change! I just don't even want to do anything... I am so I don't know.. blah! That is my mood. I had to come back to this and write more when I had time to do this. I don't why I am so down lately... I can't really shake it either. I don't know whats going on anymore... i have to work all stinkin night too and I really don't feel like it either! Oh well!! I don't even know what to say or anything anymore... i feel as if know one really listens or really cares... they just nod there head and say things like oh yeah I understand what you are going through and stuff like this.... Well, I hate to say it, but no you don't.. not unless you have gone through this will you really understand!! It is really frustrating when you know that they have not felt this way and they say oh I am sorry your feeling this way and I know what you are going through... I know that some people do actually know what I am going through and I know they have gone through something similar. I want to and need to change some of my habits. I am trying to start exercising more and eating healthier which is hard.. but I am trying... I am going to go get started working and stuff.... have a great weekend!!

rambles....

This post is going to be a bunch of rambles... I am just trying to take one step, one day at a time. I keep falling flat on my face it seems. I am not proud of the things that I have done or rather that my state of mind has "made" me do. I am struggling, but I will eventually get better. I just gotta keep my eye focused on God and He will get me through this mess. As hard as that is... I am trying!! The way I look at this is I might be going through this time in my life to help another girl who may even be older then me but to just help them and walk beside them along the way. And to help them the way people have helped me. I have never quit anything and I feel like I want to quit, but I won't and can't let myself do that. I guess I am stubborn in some ways :) Who would have thought?! Although I don't have a lot of people reading this, that is ok and I am fine with it... I like to write my thoughts and feelings out... It is the healthiest way to deal with things... instead of the things I have been doing... A lot of times I am forcing myself to do things to keep myself busy... which in some ways is not a bad thing! Please continue to pray for me. That is if anyone is even reading this.... I have a lot that I am trying to work on right now and it is at times overwhelming.. But I am trying to hang in there... At least I am doing all the right things... seeing a counselor, journaling, talking to people, etc. Well, until the next time I blog.. I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

so yeaah...

I am actually updating my blog in a pretty good amount of time... things are ok... not doing that best but hey whatever... I am not complaining... the Lord will use this time in my life in some way for good... I may not know why or in what way for a while... but He will... At least I am learning things about myself and all... it may not be fast but I am learning! And recognizing things that I haven't noticed before... I think I am blogging for my peace of mind and to get things out kind of.. if ya know what i mean... it is a lot easier sometimes writing or typing than talking to people... i feel really lonely today and i want to talk to someone but cant... oh well.. guess i cant always be able to talk to someone when i am not doing well. I am just going to have to realize this.. and be ok with it... that is going to be the hard part... I need to learn to look to God more and rely on Him.. He is the only one who can be there for me ALL the time ANYTIME.... I know this but I can't seem to grasp how to do this... hmmm... that is one thing that I need to work on... well maybe I shall try and write another time this week. Have a great week if anyone reads this anymore.....