Friends please pray for me....

Hi my friends.... I am going through a hard time... I am being stupid and doing stupid things...It is an easier way to "cope" with things, but I don't like to do this either.... i really don't know what and why I do this... I don't really want to say what it is that is going on... Please just pray... Please keep praying that I get a full time job as well!! I am in the process of filling out an application. It is another nursing home/assisted living center. I am not really sure what the position would entail... when I find out more info I will post it... btw. I am really sorry I haven't posted in a long time... have been busy and haven't had time to blog... i still read your blogs just about everyday though!! this is going to be a short post b/c I can't think of anything to blog about right now... love ya!!

GOOOOOOO PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanging in there...

I am just hanging in there... some days are a lot better than others as usual.. The beginning of this week wasn't that great... Then Thursday and Friday were pretty good. Thursday I think was better than Friday!

I don't know if any of you have heard of Greg Laurie?? He is an evangalist from CA and he does crusades around the US. Well he is coming Oct. 3-5 in Philadelphia for a crusade and my church is one of the host churches. For the next 2 Thursday's (and then one that just passed) we are having Impact classes where we will be trained to be counselors for the event!!! We got an Impact booklet thing and in it was the blue sheet of paper that had memory verses on it. One of the verses was Psalm 139 (which I really like) and I had read it somewhere earlier and then I read it somewhere else later and so I was like God what are ya telling me?! Oh and here is another thing!! I was journaling at 12:30 this morning and which verse do you think was written on the side?!?! Yeah, you got Psalm 139!!! So I am going to try and memorize that!!! Probably not some of it but most of it!!

So yeah, I have had a pretty good past couple of days... with a little struggles here and there... Oh and I am trying to not think so negatively about myself... so pretty much I am trying to love myself the way others love me especially God! So if you could please pray for me about that!! God is definitely working in me this year... some really hard things and some that just have to be taken care of....

If you think of it can you also please pray for me... I have a job interview for a FT position on Thursday around 3ish.... It is for a daycare and I am kind of excited and nervous... My friend works there and I had filled out the application liek 2-3 weeks ago and I hadn't heard anything about it. Then this past Tuesday my friend had told me that they got my application and she talked to her boss and told her about me and so she looked at my info and called me!!! So I have an appt this Thursday!!!

Well, I can't think of anything else right now!! Hope everyone is doing well!!! Have a great weekend!! Love ya all!!!

blah...

That is my mood..... I am obviously not doing the best.... thats ok... I am just trying to get through everything... So if you could and wouldn't mind praying for me I would appreciate that!! Work has been sooo boring lately.... I have been just sitting around and not really doing that much...I have been really tired lately... I am planning on just hanging out and not doing much on Saturday!!! I am going to sleep in and do laundry... just hang around the house... ahhh can't wait!!!! I am really looking forward to this.... I haven't been able to just really hang out in probably 2 weeks... so yeah it will be nice and much needed!!

**i had to stop writing for awhile since I was at work and all! Didn't have time to come back to it until 11:45pm. Anyway, tonight has not been a good night.... I had to work 12 hours today... too long and I had like no energy to work tonight... very unusual for me!! I usually have a lot of "pent up" energy... I don't know why I didn't have any... I wasn't really feeling that well tonight... Obviously that doesn't help much... My past week has been kind of insanely crazy... especially Monday.... I took off from work to clean a house that I am house sitting and cat sitting in.... I cleaned until 11:30 pm... and then woke up Tuesday and did a few things before going to work (9-2:30)and then worked 3-6 and then had bible study at 6pm-9:30 and I was EXHAUSTED!!! I could hardly keep my eyes open while we watched a movie and then driving home was a pain... got stuck in traffic not even 2 minutes down the road from where I am staying!! They were doing road work... (repaving) oh and did I mention this happened TWICE to me?!?!!? On Wednesday night as well!!!!! I was not very happy!!! They are done doing that road now one of the major roads is blocked off tonight till maybe this whole weekend I don't really know, is shut down to do road work and that road has had one lane for probably 2 weeks if not more!! argh!! they always have to do many roads at the same time... argh!!!

Back to the end of the week though.... Tonight was not a great night... I kept feeling dizzy a little bit here and there... and I was drained and am really tired... which speaking of that I probably should go to bed soon ;) considering it is almost midnight!!! shesh!!! please pray for peace of mind and that I can learn how to love myself as God loves me and my friends... ANd that I give myself more time for me... instead of going and going and going until I burn out... Pray that I don't/wouldn't do anything stupid to myself... and pray I won't/don't isolate myself... I have a tendency to do this! Well, Ok I need to get to bed... I am really tired!! Good night.... happy August 2nd!!!! Have a great weekend!!

not a lot is new...

Not too much is new... still feeling the same way... a little less than usual... so that is good I guess. all that I can do is just keep going... even though all that I want to do is call it quits at times... I do not think that I would be able to do that!

I had the WEIRDEST phone call ever this week at work!!!!!! So I picked up the phone and the guy on the other end was like "Is Gumby there?" And I was like um.. excuse me? And then the guy just hangs up... I was like um ok... It was funny though and I just had to laugh about!!!

Back to regular things... I am just hanging in their... and just trying to keep on going on... Even though it can be hard... I am trying to surround myself with friends and all... and keep my mind busy from thinking negatively except my counselor is having me journal the accusations which make me have to think of them and then write them down... so yeah... which might not be such a bad thing... who knows.. I had to stop writing them last night b/c I was to much about them and my mind was wrapped up in it. So if you could pray for me that I don't dwell on them and that I am able to just give it to God and not keep dwelling in them! That would be great.. thanks :) Although I am still in this really rough time in my life, I think I can kind of see a little bit of the "light" through the tunnel so to speak... it is very dim.... But that is a good sign... I am realizing that I really am not alone and there are many people going through things that I am going through or have gone through it and they are healed from it... I feel that God wanted me to go through this struggle to help others once I am healed... Actually I can still help them now... with a smile or hug or just being there for them... sometimes that is just what they need and not to really have to talk about their struggles...

I have this verse that is on a sticky note right on my computer at work and I really like it and I am going to share it "Count it all joy, my brothers (and sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, for the testing of your faith develops perserverance." James 1:2-3. This actually kind of ties into what I was just writing about... in a way it does but not directly... And I have a quote from Sheila Walsh.. I think from a book but not sure!! It says "The quieter the secret, the stronger the hold it has on us." How very true!! It is sad but true..

I am obviously doing ok at the moment or I don't think I could even being writing a lot about everything... Well, I hope you have a great weekend!!! I shall try to update more frequently... Love to all my beautiful friends!!!

not doing so well today...

Please pray for me. I am not doing well today! I have been so distracted today. And I don't feel like doing that much or anything... I am really tired also.... I got 7.5if not a little more hours of sleep last night. And I am really tired still... Oh well.. Somethings never change! I just don't even want to do anything... I am so I don't know.. blah! That is my mood. I had to come back to this and write more when I had time to do this. I don't why I am so down lately... I can't really shake it either. I don't know whats going on anymore... i have to work all stinkin night too and I really don't feel like it either! Oh well!! I don't even know what to say or anything anymore... i feel as if know one really listens or really cares... they just nod there head and say things like oh yeah I understand what you are going through and stuff like this.... Well, I hate to say it, but no you don't.. not unless you have gone through this will you really understand!! It is really frustrating when you know that they have not felt this way and they say oh I am sorry your feeling this way and I know what you are going through... I know that some people do actually know what I am going through and I know they have gone through something similar. I want to and need to change some of my habits. I am trying to start exercising more and eating healthier which is hard.. but I am trying... I am going to go get started working and stuff.... have a great weekend!!

rambles....

This post is going to be a bunch of rambles... I am just trying to take one step, one day at a time. I keep falling flat on my face it seems. I am not proud of the things that I have done or rather that my state of mind has "made" me do. I am struggling, but I will eventually get better. I just gotta keep my eye focused on God and He will get me through this mess. As hard as that is... I am trying!! The way I look at this is I might be going through this time in my life to help another girl who may even be older then me but to just help them and walk beside them along the way. And to help them the way people have helped me. I have never quit anything and I feel like I want to quit, but I won't and can't let myself do that. I guess I am stubborn in some ways :) Who would have thought?! Although I don't have a lot of people reading this, that is ok and I am fine with it... I like to write my thoughts and feelings out... It is the healthiest way to deal with things... instead of the things I have been doing... A lot of times I am forcing myself to do things to keep myself busy... which in some ways is not a bad thing! Please continue to pray for me. That is if anyone is even reading this.... I have a lot that I am trying to work on right now and it is at times overwhelming.. But I am trying to hang in there... At least I am doing all the right things... seeing a counselor, journaling, talking to people, etc. Well, until the next time I blog.. I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

so yeaah...

I am actually updating my blog in a pretty good amount of time... things are ok... not doing that best but hey whatever... I am not complaining... the Lord will use this time in my life in some way for good... I may not know why or in what way for a while... but He will... At least I am learning things about myself and all... it may not be fast but I am learning! And recognizing things that I haven't noticed before... I think I am blogging for my peace of mind and to get things out kind of.. if ya know what i mean... it is a lot easier sometimes writing or typing than talking to people... i feel really lonely today and i want to talk to someone but cant... oh well.. guess i cant always be able to talk to someone when i am not doing well. I am just going to have to realize this.. and be ok with it... that is going to be the hard part... I need to learn to look to God more and rely on Him.. He is the only one who can be there for me ALL the time ANYTIME.... I know this but I can't seem to grasp how to do this... hmmm... that is one thing that I need to work on... well maybe I shall try and write another time this week. Have a great week if anyone reads this anymore.....

Haven't posted in while...

I'm not really sure why I even bother blogging anymore since not a lot of people even read my posts.... oh well... I guess I just like to write out my thoughts more than anything...

Have been struggling for a while now and some days are better then others which is normal I guess but a pain in some ways also... I am learning a lot more about myself and it is interesting. God has revealed some connections that I have started to see. Which is kind of cool.. I guess. I don't really know what else to post about... that is really all that is going on for me right now... not doing to well but God will bring me through this time eventually.... God bless you all!!

well..... hmmmmm.......

I am not that good at blogging..... kind of... I read people's blogs and then I don't usually have a lot of time where I can write... Things have been really busy and stressful at times... mostly my causing the stress.. sorta. I don't/can't remember if I have blogged about my seeing a counselor from The Peacemaker Center. I have been going for almost a year... will be a year in July or August I think. For most of the time that I have been going to Peacemaker center, my mom did not know that I was going. I did not tell her b/c I didn't want her to be worrying about me and all. and I felt that it was easier with her not knowing. She knows know and it is good and she has been supportive. She has even read 1 book that I was reading with my counselor and we are reading another book now and my mom is reading it also and we are going to go over it together. I have been doing good here and there and then I just totally took another nose dive in the wrong direction and now I think I am coming back up... Life has been a little ruff for me. I have made some not so good choices but I am doing better and God still has me and I am doing farely well today and yesterday also... well, i don't really know whatelse to write right now.. I am tired.. somethings never change :) lol.. I think that is about it... will try and blog later this week! love and miss you all!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

LOL! Well, it has been a very busy couple months for me and then i AGAIN forgot my new password and so i had to change it again. (dumb dumb) So I am back and will try and be better at blogging..... a lot and nothing is new! please continue to pray for me. I am still going through a hard time but it is getting gradually better. I am in counseling and have been for probably 6-7 months or so. it has been hard at times but who said it was going to be easy? i have done so dumb stuff and am trying not to fall again. but of course i will fall but i am hoping i won't make them same stupid mistakes. i have been reading your blogs though... just have not had anytime to update mine unfortunetly... i have another job now working at the church. i work on the facilities which is pretty much cleaning and what not. I had my first night this past Saturday night. I will be working Sunday nights after the Bridge. I got the awesome opportunity to sing at Bridge this past Sunday. It was a lot of fun except people said they couldn't hear me very well..... if i get to do it again I will raise the mic and have them turn me up... oh well... one other really big thing was that i talked to my mom about EVERYTHING that has been going on. She has been really supportive of me and wants to help me. I might be going away to get some treatment possibly...ask me for details... if you care that is... well... i am going to get going now! have a great day!!!!

Hello My Lovely Friends...

Look who is back.... Sorry for the long extended leave..... number of things were happening plus I could not for the life of my remember what my freakin password was to log on here.. and then things just got to be soooo busy that I didn't feel like trying to figure it out or change my password!! but anyway! i am back!!!

Here is an update for ya... I am currently looking for a FT job that I will be able to get benefits and the such. Please pray that I find one soon so I don't have to kill myself by having 3 jobs.... not that it is that bad since it is all PT and I don't work all 3 in the same day!

And also I am starting think about moving out of my house, but not right away... I know of these girls who are looking for a 3rd roommate and it would only be like $375 a month! Not to bad huh? Well, Let me know what is going on with you all!!! Miss you like crazy!!! Love you all!! Take care! God bless!! Good luck to everyone who is either going back to classes, or going back to teaching for the year!!!

Praise God!!!

I just wanted to let you all know that I have a new job!!!! Im really excited about it too! I will be working at Calvary Fellowship Church as a receptionist! I start this coming Tuesday!!! thats about it for now!! have a wonderful New Years!!!

long time since i have posted...

Hey my friends!!! Sorry it has taken me a while to post something.... i've done it again and gotten myself fired!! i don't know why this keeps happening.... this time it was easier though... not really in the mood to talk to much about it now but yeah... please pray that i can find a new job fast because i do have expenses that need to be taken care of... please pray for me in general that i can "smarten up". i don't think before I act and that has to do with a lot of the problem or maybe its more than that... i don't know but it needs to stop and all........ i don't know why this is happening.... I know Kohl's was getting really wearing on me but its not the best way for me to leave... but im gonna go to bed im tired and i have a lot of job searching to do tomorrow so yeah... if any of you knows anyone who is hiring please let me know... thanks and please pray for me!

life is rocky

Hey all! Life is a little rocky right now. Please pray for me. I am trying to let God get me through this. I am trying to learn how to trust in him with everything! Well... its time for bed for me... i can hardly keep my eyes open!!!

To All My Friends!!!

""Today is love your friends day. Send this to all your friends and me if I am 1. If you get 7 back, then you are a TRUE FRIEND....




...And...



......THEY SAY iT TAKES A MiNUTE......
.......TO FiND A SPECiAL PERSON, .......
.....AN HOUR TO APPRECiATE THEM, ......
.........A DAY TO LOVE THEM, ........
..........AN ENTiRE LiFE TiME.........
..............TO 4GET THEM.............

.......SEND THiS TO THE PEOPLE......
.............U'LL NEVER 4GET..............
.........ITS A SHORT MESSAGE..........
...........TO LET THEM KNOW.............
......THAT U'LL NEVER 4GET THEM......

...iF U DON'T SEND THiS TO ANYONE...
.......iT MEAN UR'RE iN A HURRY.......
..........AND THAT U 4GOTTEN.........
...............THE PEOPLE..............
.................YOU LOVE............



......@.@.@.@..@..
....@........@..........@
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...@..............@@..@
....@..............@...@
......@...........@..@
.........@......@..@
..............@..@
.I.................@
....CARE.........@
.........ABOUT....@
................YOU...@........@@@
......@@@@..@....@..........@
...@.............@@@......@@
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send this rose to everyone you care about including me if you care. See how many times you get this, if you get a dozen your loved!

A must read!! Rapist on Myspace/AIM/AOL

THERE IS A RAPIST ON MYSPACE
Body: Date: Oct 5, 2006 8:18 AM
Subject WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
Body: WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS : ****************************************************
THERE IS A RAPIST ON MYSPACE
WARNING READ!! RAPIST ON MYSPACE LOOK OUT

please read.... not a joke....
State police warning for online: Please read this "very carefully"..then send it out to all the people online that you know. Something like this is nothing to be taken casually; this is something you DO want to pay attention to.

If a person with the screen-name of jokerkid613/Ja$on MoNeY contacts you, do not reply. DO NOT talk to this person; do not answer any of his/her instant messages or e-mail. Whoever this person may be, he/she is a suspect for murder in the death of 56 women (so far) contacted through the Internet. Please send this to all the women on your buddy list and ask them to pass this on, as well. This screen-name was seen on Yahoo, AOL, AIM, and Excite so far. This is not a joke! Please send this to men too...just in case! Send to everyone you know! Ladies, this is serious.
Gentlemen, PLEASE let your Lady Friends know....

Jennifer S. Faulkner
Education/Information Specialist Roanoke Fire-EMS
541 Luck Avenue
Suite 120 Roanoke, VA 24016
540) 853-2257 (phone)
540) 853-1172 (fax)

IF WE CAN PASS ON JOKES, SURELY WE CAN PASS ON A WARNING THAT MAY SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE

For all of you!! love you my friends!

To: YOU
Date: Today
From: God
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
- If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
- Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
- Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
- Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
- Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
- Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
- Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
- Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
- Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

life is looking up...

Hey friends! I am doing better then I was before.... I had kind of a crappy weekend but it got better.... I think it is manily me that is the problem... I always let things get to me and then it "floods" my mind. And then I can't get it out of my head. And I have found that I don't go to God first.. I usually ask people to pray for me not that thats wrong but I should be looking to God through everything first and foremost! I love going to the Bridge and just being in fellowship with other Christians especially girls!!! I am meeting so many great new people!! I am starting really forgive myself for all that has happened to me... I have totally stopped talking to that guy I was saying who was talking sexually to me. I had had enough of him and it built up to the point where I couldn't completely function with thoughts of hurting myself.... because of all that stuff he said and just with everything that was happening... I feel soooooo much better not talking to him. He really pissed me off and just put me in a bad mood. Especially last Thursday when he called me while in the hospital and talked for like a straight 10 minutes without me talking and all.... and I was with a friend. And I said that and he said well ya could have told me that! And hung up.. I was like thats it!! Turns out he's not having the surgery now b/c he got into a fight with the doctors and actually got kicked out of the hospital!!!!! haha!!! don't know how that happened but yeah! Sorry i am liking switching colors when I write my blogs! I hope you enjor the colors! heeeheee!! God is definitley stretching and growing me!!! Sunday and today have been good days for me!! Today I worked at 10-6:30 and it wasn't too bad... kinda busy and then slow at times... I didn't really have any negative thoughts today which is good b/c I was just happy and not really caring about anything.... I like most of the people I work with including the managers.... I like to joke around and stuff... make it a little fun/interesting... My managers say I am the "Credit Queen"... so far this month I have opened 14 credit apps for customers.... in one day I opened 8!!! Today I opened 3. It makes me feel good when I get them b/c they get really happy and all.... and they are not down our throats.... lol!! I went to have dinner with Ruth at her house with Sophia and another of ruth's friends.... we had tacos and stuff... its was gooooooodddddd!!!! I love taco salads!! She gave me some for lunch tomorrow!!! And now I am really really happy!!!!! So yeaah!!! Hope all is well with everyone!! Love ya all!!!!

Hey my beautiful friends!!!! God is just awesome and amazing!!! I am just sooo happy happy happy!!!! I obviously can't contain myself right now!!! haha! Although the first part of my weekend wasn't the best it ended great!!! Im alive and well!!!! I have God, I have family, I have friends.... what more could a girl ask for?! Bridge tonight at Kerr Park was auhmazing!!!!!!!!!!!! Really really really really awesome! Just what I needed!!! There was a slight breeze and it was God telling me that He was there and wrapping his arms around me and telling me that everything is and will be ok and to trust in Him!!!!!! There was also a bird flying and just flew higher and higher in the sky! One thing I have been praying about is to see God in the small things and to be open to Him showing me himself! Well how about that?! During church at CFC this morning and at Bridge when I close my eyes during worship I see a girl dancing her heart out for Jesus! I am just sooo excited for what God has for me this next year and the years to come.... I just need to learn to trust Him with EVERYTHING and all parts of my life and not "beat around the bush" and take back my regrets and all..... wow that was a long run on... haha oh well!! im not in English class.. heheh!!! but yeah! God is awesome! I love him with my whole being!!!! God bless you all!!!!!!!!! GO EAGLES!! THEY WON BABY!!!! hahaha sorry!!!

update on my blog from earlier!!!!!

Just a quick update from my blog earlier today.... I am doing better than I was earlier.... I know I definitley overreact a lot of the time. I just get so over worked about differenet things.. I spent from 5-10 reading my bible at Barnes & Noble..... I actually go there a lot to read and just relax. It is so calming there. I love it! I am at peace right now. I am thankful for everything that I have. Most people don't have anything and I have a roof over my head, a computer which I can have in my room, a comfortable bed, a fan, A/C, a small flat screen tv, a cell phone, a nice car, good friends, clothing on my back... and I could go on and on!! This day has got me thinking more about others instead of myself... yes it started out about me.. but I shouldn't be worrying about anything!! Here is a verse in which I really like especially right now!! Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. How awesome is that?! We don't have to worry about anything!! God is sooo awesome!!! My heart is happy and light!!! I don't know why I was so dramatic... I just got wrapped up in everything!! God bless you all! Love you all!!