Bridge

Bridge was awesome last night. It was on the 5th Commandment. Honor your father and mother. The music was awesome.Very involved. I just love going to the Bridge. The music is very fulfilling to me. One thing Phil said was "If you can't love God with you whole being, than you can't love others." How true and sad is that. He let us have a time of quiet. I was crying because a lot of emotion was running through me. Growing up, I never had a real father and at times it pains me still even though I am basically over it. And so, it came back to be last night. I have never know my dad. I don't know what traits I got from my biological father. And I always wonder who he is and why he left my mom and I. All I know is that he was a very heavy smoker and he didn't care about anything. I have a step-dad who I know loves me, but it's different. I can't call him "dad". When I write a note I can write dad. It just feels weird. My step-dad always does things with his kids and I usually don't get to do things with him. He use to yell at me a lot. So I had a lot of pain and emotion running through me. One thing that was on my mind is being sexually harassed as a child but not by a parent. I was being babysat by my momse friend and he was doing stuff to me. I am almost over that but once in a while I still get upset and sad. Now after this talk we went to Stadium Grill in Eagle to watch the Eagles. The Eagles won but it wasn't a great game. I was driving to Downingtown Campus today and I was thinking about the talk and how I have not honored my parents all the time and I started tearing up again. I was like oh goodness please don't start crying again. I just felt bad for everything that I have done. My relationship with my mom is pretty good but at times it's not always the best. I was feeling really bad. I am going to write a note to my mom. I owe everything to her. She raised me by herself for half of my life. She quit one of her favorite things to be with me. She used to be a ballroom dance teacher and she gave that up for me so she could be with me. I love my mom very much and I am thankful for her. I thank God for her and I thank God that our relationship is strengthening.