so yeaah...

I am actually updating my blog in a pretty good amount of time... things are ok... not doing that best but hey whatever... I am not complaining... the Lord will use this time in my life in some way for good... I may not know why or in what way for a while... but He will... At least I am learning things about myself and all... it may not be fast but I am learning! And recognizing things that I haven't noticed before... I think I am blogging for my peace of mind and to get things out kind of.. if ya know what i mean... it is a lot easier sometimes writing or typing than talking to people... i feel really lonely today and i want to talk to someone but cant... oh well.. guess i cant always be able to talk to someone when i am not doing well. I am just going to have to realize this.. and be ok with it... that is going to be the hard part... I need to learn to look to God more and rely on Him.. He is the only one who can be there for me ALL the time ANYTIME.... I know this but I can't seem to grasp how to do this... hmmm... that is one thing that I need to work on... well maybe I shall try and write another time this week. Have a great week if anyone reads this anymore.....

Haven't posted in while...

I'm not really sure why I even bother blogging anymore since not a lot of people even read my posts.... oh well... I guess I just like to write out my thoughts more than anything...

Have been struggling for a while now and some days are better then others which is normal I guess but a pain in some ways also... I am learning a lot more about myself and it is interesting. God has revealed some connections that I have started to see. Which is kind of cool.. I guess. I don't really know what else to post about... that is really all that is going on for me right now... not doing to well but God will bring me through this time eventually.... God bless you all!!

well..... hmmmmm.......

I am not that good at blogging..... kind of... I read people's blogs and then I don't usually have a lot of time where I can write... Things have been really busy and stressful at times... mostly my causing the stress.. sorta. I don't/can't remember if I have blogged about my seeing a counselor from The Peacemaker Center. I have been going for almost a year... will be a year in July or August I think. For most of the time that I have been going to Peacemaker center, my mom did not know that I was going. I did not tell her b/c I didn't want her to be worrying about me and all. and I felt that it was easier with her not knowing. She knows know and it is good and she has been supportive. She has even read 1 book that I was reading with my counselor and we are reading another book now and my mom is reading it also and we are going to go over it together. I have been doing good here and there and then I just totally took another nose dive in the wrong direction and now I think I am coming back up... Life has been a little ruff for me. I have made some not so good choices but I am doing better and God still has me and I am doing farely well today and yesterday also... well, i don't really know whatelse to write right now.. I am tired.. somethings never change :) lol.. I think that is about it... will try and blog later this week! love and miss you all!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

LOL! Well, it has been a very busy couple months for me and then i AGAIN forgot my new password and so i had to change it again. (dumb dumb) So I am back and will try and be better at blogging..... a lot and nothing is new! please continue to pray for me. I am still going through a hard time but it is getting gradually better. I am in counseling and have been for probably 6-7 months or so. it has been hard at times but who said it was going to be easy? i have done so dumb stuff and am trying not to fall again. but of course i will fall but i am hoping i won't make them same stupid mistakes. i have been reading your blogs though... just have not had anytime to update mine unfortunetly... i have another job now working at the church. i work on the facilities which is pretty much cleaning and what not. I had my first night this past Saturday night. I will be working Sunday nights after the Bridge. I got the awesome opportunity to sing at Bridge this past Sunday. It was a lot of fun except people said they couldn't hear me very well..... if i get to do it again I will raise the mic and have them turn me up... oh well... one other really big thing was that i talked to my mom about EVERYTHING that has been going on. She has been really supportive of me and wants to help me. I might be going away to get some treatment possibly...ask me for details... if you care that is... well... i am going to get going now! have a great day!!!!

Hello My Lovely Friends...

Look who is back.... Sorry for the long extended leave..... number of things were happening plus I could not for the life of my remember what my freakin password was to log on here.. and then things just got to be soooo busy that I didn't feel like trying to figure it out or change my password!! but anyway! i am back!!!

Here is an update for ya... I am currently looking for a FT job that I will be able to get benefits and the such. Please pray that I find one soon so I don't have to kill myself by having 3 jobs.... not that it is that bad since it is all PT and I don't work all 3 in the same day!

And also I am starting think about moving out of my house, but not right away... I know of these girls who are looking for a 3rd roommate and it would only be like $375 a month! Not to bad huh? Well, Let me know what is going on with you all!!! Miss you like crazy!!! Love you all!! Take care! God bless!! Good luck to everyone who is either going back to classes, or going back to teaching for the year!!!

Praise God!!!

I just wanted to let you all know that I have a new job!!!! Im really excited about it too! I will be working at Calvary Fellowship Church as a receptionist! I start this coming Tuesday!!! thats about it for now!! have a wonderful New Years!!!

long time since i have posted...

Hey my friends!!! Sorry it has taken me a while to post something.... i've done it again and gotten myself fired!! i don't know why this keeps happening.... this time it was easier though... not really in the mood to talk to much about it now but yeah... please pray that i can find a new job fast because i do have expenses that need to be taken care of... please pray for me in general that i can "smarten up". i don't think before I act and that has to do with a lot of the problem or maybe its more than that... i don't know but it needs to stop and all........ i don't know why this is happening.... I know Kohl's was getting really wearing on me but its not the best way for me to leave... but im gonna go to bed im tired and i have a lot of job searching to do tomorrow so yeah... if any of you knows anyone who is hiring please let me know... thanks and please pray for me!

life is rocky

Hey all! Life is a little rocky right now. Please pray for me. I am trying to let God get me through this. I am trying to learn how to trust in him with everything! Well... its time for bed for me... i can hardly keep my eyes open!!!

To All My Friends!!!

""Today is love your friends day. Send this to all your friends and me if I am 1. If you get 7 back, then you are a TRUE FRIEND....




...And...



......THEY SAY iT TAKES A MiNUTE......
.......TO FiND A SPECiAL PERSON, .......
.....AN HOUR TO APPRECiATE THEM, ......
.........A DAY TO LOVE THEM, ........
..........AN ENTiRE LiFE TiME.........
..............TO 4GET THEM.............

.......SEND THiS TO THE PEOPLE......
.............U'LL NEVER 4GET..............
.........ITS A SHORT MESSAGE..........
...........TO LET THEM KNOW.............
......THAT U'LL NEVER 4GET THEM......

...iF U DON'T SEND THiS TO ANYONE...
.......iT MEAN UR'RE iN A HURRY.......
..........AND THAT U 4GOTTEN.........
...............THE PEOPLE..............
.................YOU LOVE............



......@.@.@.@..@..
....@........@..........@
...@............@....@@
...@..............@@..@
....@..............@...@
......@...........@..@
.........@......@..@
..............@..@
.I.................@
....CARE.........@
.........ABOUT....@
................YOU...@........@@@
......@@@@..@....@..........@
...@.............@@@......@@
.......@@@.......@..@@
.........................@
.........................@
.........................@
.........................@
.........................@
........................@
.......................@

send this rose to everyone you care about including me if you care. See how many times you get this, if you get a dozen your loved!

A must read!! Rapist on Myspace/AIM/AOL

THERE IS A RAPIST ON MYSPACE
Body: Date: Oct 5, 2006 8:18 AM
Subject WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
Body: WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS : ****************************************************
THERE IS A RAPIST ON MYSPACE
WARNING READ!! RAPIST ON MYSPACE LOOK OUT

please read.... not a joke....
State police warning for online: Please read this "very carefully"..then send it out to all the people online that you know. Something like this is nothing to be taken casually; this is something you DO want to pay attention to.

If a person with the screen-name of jokerkid613/Ja$on MoNeY contacts you, do not reply. DO NOT talk to this person; do not answer any of his/her instant messages or e-mail. Whoever this person may be, he/she is a suspect for murder in the death of 56 women (so far) contacted through the Internet. Please send this to all the women on your buddy list and ask them to pass this on, as well. This screen-name was seen on Yahoo, AOL, AIM, and Excite so far. This is not a joke! Please send this to men too...just in case! Send to everyone you know! Ladies, this is serious.
Gentlemen, PLEASE let your Lady Friends know....

Jennifer S. Faulkner
Education/Information Specialist Roanoke Fire-EMS
541 Luck Avenue
Suite 120 Roanoke, VA 24016
540) 853-2257 (phone)
540) 853-1172 (fax)

IF WE CAN PASS ON JOKES, SURELY WE CAN PASS ON A WARNING THAT MAY SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE

For all of you!! love you my friends!

To: YOU
Date: Today
From: God
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
- If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
- Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
- Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
- Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
- Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
- Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
- Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
- Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
- Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

life is looking up...

Hey friends! I am doing better then I was before.... I had kind of a crappy weekend but it got better.... I think it is manily me that is the problem... I always let things get to me and then it "floods" my mind. And then I can't get it out of my head. And I have found that I don't go to God first.. I usually ask people to pray for me not that thats wrong but I should be looking to God through everything first and foremost! I love going to the Bridge and just being in fellowship with other Christians especially girls!!! I am meeting so many great new people!! I am starting really forgive myself for all that has happened to me... I have totally stopped talking to that guy I was saying who was talking sexually to me. I had had enough of him and it built up to the point where I couldn't completely function with thoughts of hurting myself.... because of all that stuff he said and just with everything that was happening... I feel soooooo much better not talking to him. He really pissed me off and just put me in a bad mood. Especially last Thursday when he called me while in the hospital and talked for like a straight 10 minutes without me talking and all.... and I was with a friend. And I said that and he said well ya could have told me that! And hung up.. I was like thats it!! Turns out he's not having the surgery now b/c he got into a fight with the doctors and actually got kicked out of the hospital!!!!! haha!!! don't know how that happened but yeah! Sorry i am liking switching colors when I write my blogs! I hope you enjor the colors! heeeheee!! God is definitley stretching and growing me!!! Sunday and today have been good days for me!! Today I worked at 10-6:30 and it wasn't too bad... kinda busy and then slow at times... I didn't really have any negative thoughts today which is good b/c I was just happy and not really caring about anything.... I like most of the people I work with including the managers.... I like to joke around and stuff... make it a little fun/interesting... My managers say I am the "Credit Queen"... so far this month I have opened 14 credit apps for customers.... in one day I opened 8!!! Today I opened 3. It makes me feel good when I get them b/c they get really happy and all.... and they are not down our throats.... lol!! I went to have dinner with Ruth at her house with Sophia and another of ruth's friends.... we had tacos and stuff... its was gooooooodddddd!!!! I love taco salads!! She gave me some for lunch tomorrow!!! And now I am really really happy!!!!! So yeaah!!! Hope all is well with everyone!! Love ya all!!!!

Hey my beautiful friends!!!! God is just awesome and amazing!!! I am just sooo happy happy happy!!!! I obviously can't contain myself right now!!! haha! Although the first part of my weekend wasn't the best it ended great!!! Im alive and well!!!! I have God, I have family, I have friends.... what more could a girl ask for?! Bridge tonight at Kerr Park was auhmazing!!!!!!!!!!!! Really really really really awesome! Just what I needed!!! There was a slight breeze and it was God telling me that He was there and wrapping his arms around me and telling me that everything is and will be ok and to trust in Him!!!!!! There was also a bird flying and just flew higher and higher in the sky! One thing I have been praying about is to see God in the small things and to be open to Him showing me himself! Well how about that?! During church at CFC this morning and at Bridge when I close my eyes during worship I see a girl dancing her heart out for Jesus! I am just sooo excited for what God has for me this next year and the years to come.... I just need to learn to trust Him with EVERYTHING and all parts of my life and not "beat around the bush" and take back my regrets and all..... wow that was a long run on... haha oh well!! im not in English class.. heheh!!! but yeah! God is awesome! I love him with my whole being!!!! God bless you all!!!!!!!!! GO EAGLES!! THEY WON BABY!!!! hahaha sorry!!!

update on my blog from earlier!!!!!

Just a quick update from my blog earlier today.... I am doing better than I was earlier.... I know I definitley overreact a lot of the time. I just get so over worked about differenet things.. I spent from 5-10 reading my bible at Barnes & Noble..... I actually go there a lot to read and just relax. It is so calming there. I love it! I am at peace right now. I am thankful for everything that I have. Most people don't have anything and I have a roof over my head, a computer which I can have in my room, a comfortable bed, a fan, A/C, a small flat screen tv, a cell phone, a nice car, good friends, clothing on my back... and I could go on and on!! This day has got me thinking more about others instead of myself... yes it started out about me.. but I shouldn't be worrying about anything!! Here is a verse in which I really like especially right now!! Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. How awesome is that?! We don't have to worry about anything!! God is sooo awesome!!! My heart is happy and light!!! I don't know why I was so dramatic... I just got wrapped up in everything!! God bless you all! Love you all!!

not doing too good....

My life right now is a roller coaster... thats the best way to explain it! I will be fine for a while maybe a two days or so but yeah... Then I just am not myself... I hear someone say something or someone talks to me and then I start degrading myself and really beating myself up over most of the time nothing! Then I will talk with a friend and it helps and then bam again the cycle begins again! Why why why why?!?!?! I don't know and I don't understand! I wish someone would just come and kill me right now and put me out of my misery! Im sorry I am talking like this right now but it is the way I feel right now. I can't stand hearing people fight about anything and then put me in the arguement oh heck no!!!!!! Im sorry I just can't handle anything right now... I feel like I need to run away or something.. I don't have anywhere to go and I don't have the money or anything... i need a break from life... im so tired... i just want everything to stop!! i dont want/can't pretend everything is ok. when it is not!! My world, my everything is crumbling down!! I just needed some place to right down everything.... im sure in a day or two ill be better than i am right now!

why is life so hard and complicated!?

I am soo tired and being hurt and "abused" if ya wanna say..... I've just had enough of this life right now... don't really know whats going on. I am livin the moment to moment and thinking what the heck am I doing? nothing.. I don't know what to do.... I feel all I can do is write and cry if I need to... I have a hard time talking about my life... I'd rather be helping someone else than dealing with my own life and problems....Maybe that is good but I don't know. I feel that I am not that important... I don't know... I am at a stage of "i don't know's".... well I will write more later... gotta get lunch ready and have breakfast... and go to work :(.....

frustrated!!

Hey all! Why do guys have to be such a's????? I don't understand what it is with me and perverted guys..... All I want is to please God and not anything else. I don't want a relationship right now. And this guys says he is attracted to me... and keeps saying stuff when he knows darn well I don't like it!!! Guys piss me off! I am getting the impression that I am bad luck when it comes to relationships.... I don't really care about it... It just makes me feel really uncomfortable and disgusted.... like I wanna go hid under a rock and not come out!!

On another note.... everything else is going pretty well. I have been at Kohls for a year now! Nothing really bad has happened except with that Jen girl who was stealing money from us... still haven't gotten my money back yet!!! But yeah... nothing really new is going on besides the darn guy problems.... but anywho..... I just want to focus on God and trust in Him. I have been doing really well with my feelings of myself. On Sunday, I went to get a water from 7 eleven before going to Bridge and as I was walking in I was like I feel pretty and I feel good about myself... I didn't have bad thoughts/wasn't "condeming" myself for the crap that has happened... I didn't even care what people thought of me! I am still feeling like this off and on this week... but with the guy issue it has made it a little hard... So yeah! If you could pray for me that would be good.... I miss you all! Love you!

reflections of the summer

Things have been going pretty good!! I am understanding how much God loves me and its just so awesome to be reminded of it. I am in a bible study on Wed. nights and it has just been so awesome. It is Beth Moores "Breaking Free" and Had read some of it before in another bible study but didn't read it all. Now I re-read it and am so excited more than I was when I first started reading it! I am understanding it also... which helps! :-D hehe!! This summer has been tuff at times and then it will good and then back to hard times.... lately I am learning how to trust more in God and just give him EVERYTHING! Give him My all!! And through that I am able to trust more people and open up to others... especially in my bible study. I am usually the quiet one and just keep to myself and lately I have been able to just talk about like what the chapters have said to me and just be able to be grown and stretched.... It's awesome! I am more comfortable with talking about stuff that has happened to me in the past and things that have happened to me lately. And ya know I am starting to not care about what people say about me! It doesn't matter!!!! I am a beautiful Child of the Lord!!!! I don't even sound like the regular Jen! I don't know who this is!! hehe! I know who it is but ya know what I mean! lol!!! God is awesome!!! Thats my update for the day/week! Love you all! God bless you!!!

hello!!!!!!

Hey all!! Things are going really well!!!! God is good!!! I have been growing and being stretched this past summer!! Its awesome! At times hard but I have been learning and so it's good!!! Nothing really new is going on with me..... just working and hanging out with friends and that kinda thing!! So yeah!!! Not too much else!!! Hope to see ya all soon! Love ya!

blah

Thats the kind of mood I am in right now after being woken up by my stupid computer aftering falling asleep just about an hour ago.. since i couldn't sleep and all.... oh well mind you I tried go to bed at 12:30 and couldn't sleep say came back on till like 1:30 and tried to fall asleep and did and then computer restarts itself to update a program or something... Well now I can't sleep again and now I don't feel well!! argh!!!

Anyway things have been a little rocky this past week... I am doing good now just tired and not really feeling well! But not complaining... Im gonna try and go back to sleep... will update more later! love to all!