searching

Today has been a pretty good day! Just hanging out as I usually do now on my Sundays since I have off. I go to church usually Calvary Fellowship at 11:30 and then maybe hang out with a friend or not... just have some quiet time and just relax. It feels good to be able to not do too much every Sunday. I was looking/reading the blogs from the missions trip to Kenya with Word FM, and it really is tugging at my heart again that I need to go out and do something. It might just be in the West Chester area but I just feel led to help others mainly kids but anyone! It brought tears to my eyes to read about the children of Africa! I feel that all that has happened to me this past year and half has happened because God made it happen. To break me down and re-grow me and stretch me and change me! Well, I am definitley changing! And now I want to help others change and to be a light to the lost. I want to just do things for others and not expect anything in return not that I ever expect things from my friends. I freely give! That is how God made me!!! Love you all!!!

GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!

Hey all!!! Well how about that?! Two posts in one night!! Well I am doing pretty darn patutin good right now!!! I am feeling better about the whole guy thing! I am talking on AIM with a friend and a guy... And I was just saying how this whole thing was a blessing in disguise to get me back on track type of thing! Kind of like a kick in the butt! This whole thing has brought me closer to friends and helping me to be in the word! I am trying to think better... and not "bash" myself or so stupid non-sense!!! Which can be hard but I can do it with the help of my friends!! So if you are with me or see me and I am saying stuff that is degrading be like Jen what are ya saying??? Keep me accountable for that and correct for me!!! I am really starting change and it is amazing and I feel good!! I am happy actually!!! I am realizing I don't need a guy in my life and God may not want me to be married who knows.... that is a long time from now! I am not thinking about that now! I want to live for God and only him!!!!! GOD IS SOOOO GOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless you all! Love you!

So yeah I had dinner with a guy friend of mine and we were waiting to be seated and all... and there was a rainbow! I haven't seen a rainbow in so long!! Well that was kind of a ramble! Have a good night! God loves ya and so do I!!

updates

Recently that is all I have been posting about.... well... Im sorry for not really blogging all that much. I get busy and tired and at times I just don't feel like typing.... So yeah! Things are getting better, but I am still struggling so if you could continue to pray that would be really awesome! I love you all!! I don't know if I have mention that to you guys lately! I appreciate our friendship!! Things have been busy and stressful! The guy situation is over and I do not talk to that guy anymore. He was not definitley not the right guy for me! He made me do things I didn't really want to do..... it was kinda like "peer pressure" in a way... he kinda talked me into it..... but yeah thats over and as I had said I felt stupid and cheated! I didn't feel like I deserved to be anything or do anything. I am starting not think like that anymore.... I just felt really bad and I felt like hiding in a way.... like I was robbed of all my joy and love... like when you are raped. Kind of like that. I am doing better but I am not completely healed of the feelings. I have learned a lot and am trying to just talk about it and not keep everything bottled up inside... What is that going to do?? it will make things worse not better..... Well, I will blog soon again! Love you all!! Thanks for being my friends! And thanks for helping me along the way in the different ways that you help!

updates................

Hey friends! Sorry I haven't really talkative on here and on phone if you have called me or I call you. As you know if you read my latests blogs, I have been going through some crap. Things are getting better. Some of you read the blog where I said I guy like me from aol im... well thats over and I really don't care anymore about him.He just like made me do things I wouldn't normally do and he hurt me like emotionally. I do not need that. I deserve better. All i can say is this has been good b/c I have be praying and reading the bible more. I have gotten closer to God through this. Please be praying for me! Love you all! It has definitley been a learning experience for me.....

need prayers!!!

I don't want to go into but I just need prayers for strength and courage and for healing....... I think I went to far and did something stupid...... thats all im gonna say!

sorry......

After re-reading my post from last night.. i feel like I need to apologize! I was just really tired and upset and all. I am doing better. i have been able to talk with some of my friends and all which have been nice. About the comment I said about my friend talk to me about guys and stuff... well it doesn't really bother me in a way b/c I don't know. yeah I have never been in a relationship with any guys that doesn't mean I don't know anything ya know? So yeah that was kinda stupid of me. Just so you guys all know................................................ are ya ready for this?! there's a guy that i have been talking to online for a couple of days now and he likes me... so who knows! I'll be posting updates more on this later! Right now I gotta get ready for work! Love you all!!

ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

That is my mood right now! I am so frazzeled and going into pieces at the moment! Things are getting to me.... like friends problems and whatnot.... emotional stuff and feelings. I am going through a lot at the moment. And I kinda don't know how to talk about it and don't know if I want to... I have talked to some people. But I am really stressed not by work though.... and I feel depressed... like I want to talk to certain people and then I kind of feel "blown" off in a way. I know thats not really what it is... thats how it feels to me though. Like last night after the Bridge and all I just felt alone and stuff. I usually stay and talk with people till around 10:30 but not last night. I left at like 10 and want to Appetites with a girl I went to high school with and we ended up sitting with these three guys.... Sometimes I just feel like I need to be alone and all. That was last night, but I couldn't be alone.... I couldn't sleep last night. I had a pain in my stomach and couldn't get comfortable and just had twenty millions things running through my head at once. Then my friend from Bridge was like I wanted to call ya last night but thought it was too late and all.... and ya know I don't care if she did or didn't but I mean she just wanted to talk about guy stuff/problems and what not... well ya know what? I don't give a crap and I really am the wrong person to talk to about that..... but I like that she trusts me about that. And I don't know maybe I am the only one who will really listen to her rant about it... so whatever... i'll keep my mouth shut. Please be praying for me. I want to be healed from my pain and all that is carrying me down!

updates on life

Hey friends! Things have been really busy and that is why I haven't updated recently. Sorry about that! Or when I had the time to I was dead tired! Thank you for praying for me. I feel God is healing me gradually! If you want to know more just send me an email or something. Please continue to pray please. I am doing well. Just been really busy. I have been working a lot but shorter hours since they have been cutting the hours :( I need the hours... I am meeting a lot of great people at the Bridge and at CrossRoads. I am hanging out with more Christians which is also helping me to be stretched and get out of my comfort zone. So God is growing me and God is good!!!! That is all for now! Will update more later! Love you all!