need prayer

Hey all! I need a favor from you guys. I need you to pray specifically for my dad but also the family. About 4 or 5 weeks ago my dad had a doctors appt. and the doctore suggested he have a stress test done. So he did. He was also having hemroids and that is how the found out what he had. He has an aortic anyerism he wil have to have surgery (open heart surgery). He has an appt. with the surgeon on January 4 and then on the 6th he has another doctors appt. to do test and get him ready for the surgery. The surgery should be a month after his visit with the surgeon. When they found out about this, they thought that it was a 5.3 5.4 and it is a 5.8 and in one spot a 5.9. If it had been a 6 then he would have had to have surgery like that same week but since it was a little lower they said it was ok for him to wait. But he can't wait long becuase this could kill him if he doesn't have the surgery soon. The day after Christmas we had my family over(brothers and sister) and they(mom and dad) told us then because we were all together. I think it was hardest on my mom because she couldn't tell anyone because my dad didn't want us to know because they didn't know what was going on. It is a miracle that they found it now because it can kill you and you don't know you have it. I just ask you to keep us in prayer over the next couple months and I will let you know how everything is going. Thank you! Love ya!

Christmas season

I have really changed my outlook on life and Christmas. I think I am finally opening my eyes and really seeing everything for the first time! My nieces and nephew were in a Christmas play last night. And I was just crying because of everything God did for us. And it was just so awesome to see young kids singing about the love of Christ. Of course I am proud of them, but they are little princesses and prince. I love them so very much and I am sad to say I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like to. They were the love of Christ last night with how they portrayed the music and everything. My nephew Keith who is 5 years old just sang his little heart out and it was tooooo cute and amazing. I love them so much. Even work wasn't that bad yesterday. I was surprised at how nice the customers were. The Christmas holiday has been awesome and I am glad that I was able to experience the love and peace of Christ. God bless all of you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! i love you guys! This Christmas has been the best Christmas I have had in a few years. I got to see my nieces and nephew Christmas Eve. And tomorrow I get to see ALL of my family(except aunts in NJ and grandmom and aunt in DE i saw them today). Christmas was a little different this year than in years past because we usually have the family over on Christmas Eve and then Christmas day is usually just my 2 to three step brothers and their wifes. And then we go and visit with my godparents and other friends. This year we are having family over tomorrow, but we still went to see my godparents. It's always fun being their. I think I have known them since I was part of this family(around age 5). They would babysit me when my parents would go out of town or someone in my neighborhood would. But they have always taken great care of us! I could really feel the meaning of Christmas this year and the love of Christ. It wasn't just about the presents.... which I don't really care that much about. I love to see my family and friends!!! I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!!!! Love ya all!!!!

not happy

Hey friends! I am going through a lot right now and I need some prayer. Im not sure if I am in the right major. I did well on my other classes but Foundations of American Education killed me of course. It was too much to handle 5 classes and so that class probably won't transfer. I got a D in it. I tried, but I don't test well. And he just sat there and talked for 3 hours. I couldn't stand it. And then for my next math class I am taking Math for elementary education and I have the same teacher that I failed math the last time the whole reason I had to take 5 classes. I am going to see if I can get another teacher or something because if I fail again I will not be happy. All through high school I never failed any of my classes. I don't know whats wrong with me now. I try so hard and it doesn't seem to pay off. I even studied for the final but of course one of the days I had to miss we were going over the final. The reason I had to miss it is because of my Speech final (going to the Tel Hai nursing home). So I didn't get some of the stuff that was on our final. During the final I was getting distracted soooo easily. And I was like whatever I don't care anymore. This class was all but frustrating to me. I did my work and I showed up. I didn't do well on the tests. Well that shouldn't affect my grade. Most teachers put in the account of the student trying and showing up and participating. Whatever! I don't care anymore. I don't know what I am going to do now, but I can't do anything about that grade. And all my mom said is that I will just have to try harder in my classes. That will be hard because of working. If I am working I can't concentrate on homework and studying there.... Whatever. I just feel like such a failure and I don't feel like trying an more.

All in His time

At times I feel very lonely. I know that my friends are there with me and for me. I know God is with me when I am not with or around my friends. But it's like I don't know what I am here for. What does God have in store for my life? I won't ever know that. I can only do one thing at a time. I get so confused sometimes. I can't understand why God would die for me and love me so much. All I am is a screw up and failure. At CrossRoads tonight we were asked this question "What if Jesus really was God on earth?" It was a hard question to answer because as Christians we believe that Jesus is God on earth. This really got me thinking. I am totally confused by everything... I don't know what really confuses me, but I am. I am also lonely. As I said before I know my friends care about me and love me. But I need someone to love me and who wants to be with me. I have never had a bf and I get lonely and I wonder what it would be like/feel like to have a bf care for me. I am waiting on God with this but it is soo hard not to think about it. A lot of my friends have a bf or are engaged or married. And I'm like ok God when are you going to send someone? I guess I am not ready to be in a relationship like that. I don't know whats going on in this department of my life. I feel as if I am not pretty enough for a guy to like me. I have a poor self-image and self-esteem. Most of my friends know this and if you don't know you do now. I think thats another reason I am so quiet and reserved. Maybe God doesn't want me to be in a relationship at all. who knows. It's all in His time.

English class

I had my English class today for the last time. English is not my favorite class because of the grammar and all the writings you have to do. I didn't do that great on the writings but on my last journal I got a 95% which brought my grade up. And I got a 78% on my research paper which was our final. I got an 80% for the class. My professor said he read mine last which doesn't bother me that much but get this he went over my grades a few times and he arranged it so I would be getting a B for the class. How nice of him is that? I was like oh my gosh thank you! I was very surprised. So that was really cool. And then I just browsed around Mustard Seed and then TJ Maxx and Mashells and then the mall. I had to work 5-11 pm. It wasn't that bad. At times I like working there but at times I hate it. I think it depends on how busy it is. And the mood I come in with. Today, I was in a pretty darn good mood and so work wasn't that bad. I was scanning the dept (department). We had a huge sale last Friday and Saturday and so things were all in the wrong spots. So I had to scan like each thing. Some were marked down. The misses sizes were mixed in with the petites and vice versa. It helps out my manager b/c she doesn't really like to do that and I do so I didn't mind. I got misses and woman's done. My manager only has to do the petites which doesn't take that long because it's like 7 racks or something. Its very small now that coats has taken over our petite dresses section. Oh well. I got some of it done but I had to keep stopping to help customers. So yeah, that was my day. It was a pretty good day. I am going crawl in bed and get some sleep. Me tired. hehe! Love ya all!!!

Finals Week

Hey all! It is finals week for DCCC and probably others schools. I have taken my first of 3 finals. And I passed the class!!!! Thank God. I had my math final tonight and I passed. I only needed 25% to pass the class. I got a 51% on my final. which gave me a 77% for the class! I was sooo worried about math because I had taken it before and failed. That was the first time I had failed any of my classes. I was not that happy and then I had to re-take it. I tried to take it in the summer with the individualized program.... lets just say that didn't work and my teacher took me out of the class because I wasn't learning the material. And so I was put into another math class at D'town campus. My teacher took the time to help me understand the material and helped me after class almost every class. It was a very short time that she could help me but it helped because I didn't fail. I am thankful that she took the time to help me and she was always encouraging me. The only finals I have left are in Sociology on Thursday and Education on Friday and they are both quizzes. I go into my English class tomorrow for like 10 minutes and then I leave. We are picking up our papers and get our grades and then we can leave. How awesome is that? Well I will talk to you all later! Love ya guys!

Bridge

Bridge was awesome last night. It was on the 5th Commandment. Honor your father and mother. The music was awesome.Very involved. I just love going to the Bridge. The music is very fulfilling to me. One thing Phil said was "If you can't love God with you whole being, than you can't love others." How true and sad is that. He let us have a time of quiet. I was crying because a lot of emotion was running through me. Growing up, I never had a real father and at times it pains me still even though I am basically over it. And so, it came back to be last night. I have never know my dad. I don't know what traits I got from my biological father. And I always wonder who he is and why he left my mom and I. All I know is that he was a very heavy smoker and he didn't care about anything. I have a step-dad who I know loves me, but it's different. I can't call him "dad". When I write a note I can write dad. It just feels weird. My step-dad always does things with his kids and I usually don't get to do things with him. He use to yell at me a lot. So I had a lot of pain and emotion running through me. One thing that was on my mind is being sexually harassed as a child but not by a parent. I was being babysat by my momse friend and he was doing stuff to me. I am almost over that but once in a while I still get upset and sad. Now after this talk we went to Stadium Grill in Eagle to watch the Eagles. The Eagles won but it wasn't a great game. I was driving to Downingtown Campus today and I was thinking about the talk and how I have not honored my parents all the time and I started tearing up again. I was like oh goodness please don't start crying again. I just felt bad for everything that I have done. My relationship with my mom is pretty good but at times it's not always the best. I was feeling really bad. I am going to write a note to my mom. I owe everything to her. She raised me by herself for half of my life. She quit one of her favorite things to be with me. She used to be a ballroom dance teacher and she gave that up for me so she could be with me. I love my mom very much and I am thankful for her. I thank God for her and I thank God that our relationship is strengthening.

Christmas

Hey all! It is Christmas time.... I can feel it now :-) Last year I was not happy about Christmas b/c of having to work during Christmas but this year is different.... I feel better. I know I have to work and I am ok about that. Thanks to all my friends, I am not as stressed as I was. I am almost all calm about everything. I still have to do the research paper thats due on Tuesday, but ya know.. I have a different attitude about it. I am much calmer and at ease. I know God's going to help. And He loves me and He knows I am not perfect and He forgives me for everything that I have done. God is SOOOOOOO awesome! Thank God I found him when I did or I'd be sooo messed up now. I don't even want to think about how I'd be. That scares me and it makes me sad when I am just sitting in my classes waiting for class to start or I am just waiting around hanging out and someone starts to talk about parties, and drinking, and having sex. Its kind of upsetting also because they are messing up there lives and they don't know it or if they do they just simply don't care. I know these two girls and they were like I love to drink and make myself drunk.... I was like ok then see ya.... It makes me sad and frustrated and uncomfortable. I have been around a lot of people drinking growing up because having 3 step brothers and a step sister(all older)... It is just sad when family doesn't get along because of someone making a poor choice. and ya know what?!?!? It can be avoided. All it does or can do is kill you or someone else. Make others mad at you. Causes fights. And its just not cool.... Who wants to forget everything they did or say to someone... and if you have sex when you are drunk you could easily get a girl pregnant. Bad choices when it comes to drinking!!!!! Anyway that was a little off the topic but I am just sooo thankful that I have God in my life. I don't really feel that stressed anymore either. What Cynthia told me works :-D Just think of things that you are thankful for that God has given you instead of dredding over what is causing you to be stressed. Well, I love you all! ~*J-mo*~

Great ending to my week

Hey all! I have had the best ending to my week. Thursday was pretty cool. School was ok. My English class was kind of canceled we had a day in the library. And then my Soc. class we watched a movie. And my friend Lee Anne is coming to talk about Thailand and Bangkok and all on Tuesday. I am sooo excited. And I also got to see my friends at CrossRoads. Which was really cool. I missed not seeing them last week because of Thanksgiving. It is that time of year where everyone gets soooo busy. And then Friday I didn't go to my Amer. Edu. class because I had to do a project for my Small group communications class. And that went really well. I spent the whole day doing the project. The project was to do something in the community to help others. It had to be a big thing. It was up to our group to come up with what we wanted to do. But we had to run what we were doing by my teacher. And my group decided to go to a place called Tel Hai which is a nursing home but it has an adult day care and child care and like everything. We did a skit, games, arts and crafts, sang Christmas Carols, and had an Ice Cream social. which was soooo much fun. Everything was fun. It felt like we were there for like 25 min. We were there from 2-4 and then we decided to grab a bite to eat. So we went to Capos or whatever. And had pizza and french fries. And then during dinner Jess our group leader got a phone call from Tel Hai and said how the other people were jealous of the Adult Day care. One thing I fogot to say was that the guy who runs the whole place came down. Back to dinner and phone call. She said we my group will be in the DAILY LOCAL newspaper. And they invited us to come back. This was just a project our final and look what it brought us to!!! I can't believe it. It is soooo awesome and I can't believe it. Then my group came back to my house and we worked on the paper and power point... We goofed a little but we worked also. My mom let us use her digital camera and then we were pretty much done at 9 and then I asked my mom if she could take a few pictures of us. Which she did. And then she plugged the camera into the computer and then we picked our favorite. and then she emailed all the pictures to us. It was a fun night. Then I spent sometime with my mom before she went to bed. And now it is Saturday. I have to work at 4-11 but you know what!? It's cool. I am not upset or anything.... I got an email from a friend and she was telling me that when I start to feel stressed to Thank God for everything He has given me. And that is exactly what I am going to do! If you have read done to hear thanks! I love you all! ~J-mo~

re: post from yesterday

Hey to all my friends who I know care and love me! Well, you know what I love you guys more!!!! Thank you for telling me that you love me and telling me that God will pull me through this. Thanks for the prayers. Please keep praying. I do feel a little better, but I know I am not totally better. I am struggling a little, but I feel its less than it was last night! So this is good. I think I am just getting so worried and stressed that I can't see through it. Thank you all for the encouragement. I know I have said this already, but it really means a lot to me! Nikki, thank you so much for being there for me. You are such a sweet heart. You are an angel :) You have taught me a lot through this and through our conversations. Becca, thanks for just being you. You have taught me a lot through the short amount of time we have know each other. I love being around you. Thank you guys! I love you guys a lot!!!!!!!!!!

depressed

I am sitting here crying. I hate my life right now! Nothing ever works for me. I try so hard and nothing pays off at least it doesnt seem it. I am sooo stressed. As i said in th other post I was thinking I had to work on the 10th of Dec till 12:45 I was correct and then the following week is finals. I don't know how I am ever going to study!!! I have a research project due on Tuesday. And how am I going to get it done working so much??? I have no clue. My mom doesn't understand the stress I am under. I have told her a lot and she doesnt understand. She knows I want to quit Boscov's but she insits that I have to have another job. Well, i cant handel this working and school business. I dont know what to do. I am scared of failing. I am scared of doing things. I am sooo tired. I don't know if I can go on anymore. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas season has started

Hey all! Christmas is upon us once again! The second busiest time of year for shopping, returns, exchanges. It gets really tiring. This is my 2nd Christmas working at Boscov's. I need to get out of their. Last night, I felt like I was about to walk out of there for good. I mean I try to do everything that they want from me, but they want it done a different way or its not good enough. I am tired of the BS of Boscov's. Im tired of being a slave for the people who don't know how to put back stuff on the correct racks. It is really frustrating when people just throw dresses on the floor, leave the broken hangers on the floor. These are NOT your clothes. These are like $100 dresses people. Im sorry but people are disgusting!!!! I find tissues, food, the little sponge type thing on the floor with their lipstick on it, just like all on the floor in the dressing and else where. I don't need to be cleaning after people. One of the co-workers is a little odd in the head. Some of my other co-workers said that she started barking like a dog.... now whats up with that?!?!?! And she was hitting her head on the pillar next to the register..... There's something definitley wrong with her. well anyway. I hate having to work till 10 and 11 pm during the weekend. I am already staying up till 12:30 sometimes 1 am trying to get school work done. Am I going to have to stay up till 2 now? I don't understand why we have to be open that late. On Dec. 10 we are open till 12 am. What in the same heck is up with that????? Someone tell me why we are open till then???? I know for a fact that I am going to have to work then and I am not that happy about that.... arggggg...... And school is coming to an end and it is very stressful right now. I can't even keep my brains straight. I have a research project that I need to do by Tuesday and with working I have no clue how in the sames heck I am going to get it done. Well, I gotta get back to doing math homework. So, I will talk to ya all later! Love ya guys! Take care!

various

Hey all! The weekend is just about over. I actually don't have to work this Sunday!!!! Thank God! So my weekend is over with work. But then again according to the schedule for Boscov's it is the beginning of the week... weird huh? I am just rambling on. I hope everyone is getting home safetly!!! I miss my friends :( But I know I will get to see them soon!!! I have a prayer request! It's more for my really good friends boyfriend. He has Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia! He was in remission and then he had a blood test and it came back positive. He is not a Christian. That worries me and it's really hard for him right now. He is really depressed right now also. His parents don't even know about his sickness. He is trying to pay for everything. He was also in a car accident recently. So things aren't really looking that great with him. Please pray for: safety, health, that he'd be saved(as well as my friend), that he may have the courage to talk to his parents. For his doctors that they may know what is best for him. I just hope he will be feeling better soon. Life is too short to be mad and grumpy. I love ya guess. One thing I am realizing is you need to tell your friends and family that you love them because you never know when your last moment on earth will be! Which is hard and kind of sucks! So I love you all... I love Becca, Laura, Nikki, Allen, Laura F., Katrin, Melinda, Katie, Lisa, CrossRoads people!!!! You guys are awesome and I don't know what I'd do with out you! Love ya lots! God bless!!!

Black Friday

It is Black Friday. The busiest shopping day of the year. And of course I have to work! Yippy. Not really! I don't like working retail. It sucks. People are rude and can be obnoxious. I am tired already and I work at 4 till 11 today. And then tomorrow I work 3-11..... how tiring!!! I can't wait till after the holidays. I need to find a new job that doesn't wear me out so much. I am sick o f being treated like crap. At least I was able to help a new co-worker learn to use the register and all. But now it is just a pain. I don't understand why people would want to go shopping the day after-Thanksgiving. Yes, I know stores have great deals and all, but I'd rather be with my family still. I had to come home last night when I was with my family to come back to PA. My parents are in NJ right now and I usually am still in NJ with them. But at least I didn't have to sleep in the basement..... I got to sleep in my bed. YAY!!! hehehe! But anyway,, that's the reason I love Thanksgiving and Christmas because I get to see my family. Hasn't anyone ever thought of spending time with their families??? Back in the old days they use to stop what they were doing and go home and then everything would resume. I hardly get to see my family because of working at Boscov's. It really ticks me off at times. I am basically ranting now. Sorry! Well, I hope everyone has a great day!

hey everybody

hey all. This is J-mo in the house. Hows everyone doing? This is very different from anything that I have ever seen before. School has been very stressful. I have like so many projects and all to do. I have like less than 3 weeks left of school till Christmas break. And then Im going to be working like crazzy!!! what fun is that? not really... starting to be open later at work.On Friday and Saturday I am working 4-11 pm!!! Yippy! Not really. I don't think I'll get out until 11:30 or 12!!! I don't like working at Boscov's. If anyone knows of a good job that is hiring for PT possibly with kids please let me know. I am getting soooo stressed having to work with these rude people. I have been there for a year and four months next month. I need a change in what I do. I am always hurting also. Please pray that God will heal my body and if it's His will find me a new job! Love ya all!